lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
