Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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