Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
