It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
