Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
