fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
