I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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