I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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