Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
