**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
