Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm both gender and math confused
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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