1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Having a random hookup so left but love u
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
