im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
