I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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