I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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