Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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