Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
