I bet he comes in French.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
