I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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