Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
