Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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