Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
