he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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