apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
