i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
