my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
