whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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