we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
