hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
