you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Screwed.edu
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
