I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
