Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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