I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
