She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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