My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
