i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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