We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
