Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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