and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
