Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
