It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
