Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
