I got chris browned last night
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
