While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
