Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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