ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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