hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
this hospital has no fireball
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
