why didn't you poke me back
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
