Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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