I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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